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The
wordspinners - an enormously (though unnecessarily)
respected species in the corporate community, these
sophisticated 'pieces of work' have the uncanny
ability of plucking words out of thin air and piecing
them together in any random sequence in a manner
that could cause serious mental damage to any self
respecting, independent thinking person. Since that
kind of person is on the brink of extinction in
the business community, no causalities have been
reported…yet!
"When
the warm brew concocted from the great eastern lands
moves over the parched areas of the gullet, a sense
of blissfulness overcomes oneself" Ram Shankar
stirred into consciousness, as he found a teacup
nestled in his fingers as Chai-La (the mystical
Chinese canteen boy) vanished into the slipstream
of those profound words.
Ram found himself imprisoned in a meeting, where
the strategy for the brand for the next seven (don't
ask why, but Vikas had a thing for seven) years
was being discussed.
And that was the kind of forum for Dharti (the self
professed 'down to earth' account planner).
Dharti had joined the agency recently and came with
a host of recommendations from various groups.
There
was the first group, people who had been with her
in meetings and were never quite the same thereafter.
Their conveyance vouchers never got passed, friends
wanted them like Sourav Ganguly wanted short pitched
bowling, all their neighbors vacated the building,
basically something had changed in then that was
beyond human intervention. Thus the second group
understandably consisted of those who through their
entire careers had studiously avoided graduation
to the first group.
"
As we are discussing itching creams today, it might
be instructive to examine what is it exactly that
causes a man to start itching. In fact much before
the itch lies 'the niggle'. Something that is so
latent in nature that it seldom manifests itself
at a conscious level. In fact the roots are psychological
rather than physiological. It might have to do with
the ancestry of the person in question, or the lack
of it. There are niggles in the karmic cycle that
get passed on from generation to generation and
therein lies the genesis of the itch."
Dharti paused for air briefly, and also to survey
her hapless hostages, who could feel the will to
resist ebbing at the same rate as the number of
people returning sans 'accent' after finishing an
overseas MBA correspondence course.
She
was a strikingly beautiful woman. On first glimpse
you had to double over like you were hit in the
solar plexus, with a well directed jab (I really
meant 'strikingly beautiful').
There were those who managed to shut their minds
and just pass the time in meetings watching her
lips move and getting onto flights of fantasy thereafter.
There was even a frequent flyers club for such people.
No one dared to stop her when she was in full flow.
It just wasn't worth it.
Mr. Bose and Vikas were staring at Dharti in rapt
attention, quite mesmerized by the sequence of words,
the ease of flow and how little sense it made to
them, people who had been on the brand for years.
PP (the creative director of exaggerated moustache
fame), was trying to make sense of the whole thing
and he soon discovered a little man hammering away
with a sledgehammer against the sides of his temple.
And the hammering was getting louder and louder
and louder.
"That
makes a lot of sense," interjected Vikas, clearly
all at sea, but finding it necessary to increase
his share of voice in the conversation.
"What sense does it make?" boomed PP,
trying to drown out the little man with the hammer,
"I haven't heard anything of the sort in years."
"Quite right you are PP", said Mr. Bose,
" We always needed this kind of strategic input
happening on our brand for years," he paused
to sigh for a moment "finally there is value
addition happening from the agency's side."
Dharti smiled at Mr. Bose. It was a smile that would
have reversed an order to go to war.
"What sense?" quipped back an irritated
PP, tugging at his whiskers with increasing fury,
"I can't see how this helps anyone or translates
into any creative?"
"Well
to be frank, I agree with PP, what exactly are we
boiling down to?" asked Ram, with as much as
'unconfirmed innocence' that he could muster.
There was a shocked silence in the room. No one
at Ram Shankar's level was supposed to do anything
more than record the happenings in such meetings
and organize for sustenance items.
PP smiled back at the support with kindness, Mr.
Bose completely ignored the underlings comment,
but Dharti felt she must address this inquest into
her expertise.
She fluffed her eyelashes in his direction in a
manner that caused Ram's heart to do a sub 10 second
hundred-meter dash.
"Ram, isn't it?" she asked, tone mellifluously
low and enticingly exciting, "Do you want to
continue in the cesspool of mediocrity that you
find yourself mired in, or do you want to ceaselessly
endeavor on a path of continuous paradigm shifting,
constantly adding value to the processes in your
routine, making them more cerebral so that you opinion
is coveted by one and all?"
Ram staggered with the impact of those words, he
had a fleeting impression that he was being mocked
but he just dismissed that as an occupational hazard
in servicing.
"Yes
I agree", said Ram, not knowing what else to
say.
"Then I would strongly urge you to record every
syllable that I utter and then read them post the
meeting and you will evolve to the next level"
concluded Dharti, as she turned her attention again
to the bigger fish in the meeting.
"PP, dear don't worry, its all strategic issues,
read Ram's minutes after we finish and it will all
make sense" she continued in the same contemptuous
tone that one reserves for people who still think
artworks today involve cutting and pasting.
"What strategic issues are you talking about?
I'm equipped to talk strategy with anybody?"
asked PP, thumping the table so hard that it caused
a minor tremor in Turkey.
"Well
it's only a matter of capturing the sublimely obvious
in the neo cortex, the whole phenomena of itching
or scratching began in the Vedic era, when a certain
sage cursed all those who refused to give him alms
with bodily discomfort that would be just enough
to keep them alive, but not let them live anyway.
Thus was born 'the niggle'. The power of 'the niggle'
increased manifold over generations, as genetics
passed it on, almost as a legacy. Why it amplified
is open to interpretation. Some say that the seismic
thrust of the earth, as generations walked by on
it, caused it's magnetic fields to realign in a
manner that caused 'the niggle' to become a scratch
and then evolve from a scratch to a rash. Then the
principle of proximity took over. Man is a social
animal, however this very socializing caused the
rash to spread from one to another so as to assume
epidemic proportions. That's why I never socialize,
so none of you should ask me out. Anyways the balance
of nature subsequently took over. As there was the
incidence of rashes, or rash incidents over the
world, probability kicked up its differentiated
head and came up with the antidote, so that a balance
could be maintained and human society could prevail
and flourish. This has been the equilibrium that
has been maintained for centuries.
The question we must ask ourselves as we are launching
any new brand in this space is that, are we upsetting
this balance in any way? Are we being responsible
earth citizens? Will we do something that will irrevocably
alter this tenuous equilibrium? And the answer lies
in the brand proposition itself. The answer is…"
Dharti stopped mid sentence. PP lay with his mouth
open, head on table, tongue hanging out. Vikas was
down on the floor for the count. Mr. Bose had disintegrated
into microscopic particles that had escaped through
the AC vents.
Ram Shankar was still awake, as he had focused on
watching Dharti speak rather than hearing her words.
Dharti aristocratically winked at Ram and strode
out of the room with the aplomb of a champion boxer
leaving the ring after a knockout.
"Old
Chinese proverb, never underestimate the power of
the spoken word. It can kill you." The hushed
Chinese accent, the instant delivery of the teacup
and Chai-La vanished into a pack of itching cream
on the table, scratching his privates on the way.
 After
stints at Lowe, Mudra and Everest the author is
now with Triton as Associate Vice President Brand
Services. In addition to that he is also patron
saint of Juhu Beach United - a movement that celebrates
obesity and the unfit 'out of breath' media professional
of today. To join up contact vinaykanchan@hotmail.com
(The
views expressed here are those of the author and
indiantelevision.com need not necessarily subscribe
to the same)
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