He's the man Amitabh Bachchan speaks exclusively to, and the one who has the ear of many veteran television personalities. Subhash K Jha, whose acerbic commentary on Bollywood has enthralled readers for years, will now feature a regular column on indiantelevision.com. Jha will cast his critical eye on the small screen, appreciating the good, criticising the bad and castigating the ugly... Stay tuned for a regular review of programming that peppers the small screen in India:
You can't fool all people at all times!
(Posted on 23 October 2004)

'Tomorrow is Dussehra…And I’m going to set the nation on fire….' That was some Sherawat speak for you, on Aaj Tak on Thursday.

I can't for the life of me figure out why the TV channels chose to highlight Sherawat’s twin assets - namely her large mouth and larger ego, when throughout the promotional campaign for her new film she kept repeating the same "Mallika magic mantras" for self promotion.

By now her purported shock tactics have become too predictable to have their desired --- or shall I say, desirable? --- effect. Her comments on the censor board (geriatics are her favourite brunt of ridicule) and on her single status ('Mallika is alone, sigh sigh, giggle giggle') have become boring and bland through endless repetition.

And to be subjected to her 'bold' tirade twice on the same channel on Friday evening was a bit too much. In the both the interviews, she rattled off her shallow shockers with the expertise of a roadside monkey trickster. For some strange reason, as she spoke Aaj Tak flashed horny footage from an earlier film rather than the new one.

That made the junta suspicious. Evidently there was nothing steamy, seamy or see-me about the new one!

See how an unthinking over-done campaign can go against a film? It’s about time the news channels stopped inviting unit members of every film on release. It’s just not convinving any longer.

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Homework anyone?
NDTV’s generally-efficient Srinivas Jain was reduced to an embarrassing state of hemming and hawing, when he had the makers of the new NRI film Flavors over.

Now to me as potential viewer, Flavors looked like an interesting film. I’d have liked to know more about its motivations. Jain just hadn’t done enough homework to get me interested.

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Who needs enemies??
What continues to be interesting, is the upbeat spirit displayed on Zee’s India’s Best. This week the uncontrollable Sajid Khan was invited over for a friendly tete-a-tete with the contestants. I say this with a great sense of irony. Because Sajid’s purported pep talk turned out to be an exercise in sadism.

He first asked a wannabe to come on stage and strip. Fortunately the wannabe was a male. Sajid then told him would he make a producer’s nights “colourful” because , according to him that’s how roles are promised to newcomers.

“How many of you want to do TV serials? None? Why? You think you’re tood good for serials? I say none of you is good enough for the movies.”

Oh dear. What was this meant to be? Sajid Khan’s own private Gestapo service? And just what was the purpose of the whole exercise? To scare off the hopefuls? Isn’t that like cutting off the hands of the masons who were building the Taj Mahal? Or whatever….

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Playing the same old trick
This week I was quite taken up with Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhie Bahu Thi. The character Vishal (Rohit Bakshi) was shot at in a cable-car in some Swiss hamlet and fell to his death. Bloodcurdling screams from his shocked wife, stupefaction, disbelief rage and grief imprinted in Tulsi’s face…. It all added up to a great Indian soap trick.

And let me also mention the use of black-and-white frames with colour showing only in the blood on the victim’s face, the bindi on his widow’s forehead and the roses that she had brought along for him, heightened the poignancy of the moment many times over.

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The Kapoor dame still has it
Like it or not Ekta Kapoor is the only one doing innovative work in the soaps. But avid Ekta–eyeballers complain that she is making death very proud by roping in Lord Yama (the god of death) every time the ratings need to be boosted. In fact this whole death business was turned into a terrific joke on the anniversary celebrations of Kahaani Ghar Ghar Kii.

Here was the gag: some cast members were called aside and told they were being bumped off in the serial.

The way they reluctantly lay down on their pyres, provided ghoulish giggles , and quite a departure from the usual grim goings-on in the soap.

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Same old story... ahhh what a bore
Zee’s new daily Kareena Kareena doesn’t seem to have much to offer, and never mind the double evocation of a very successful cine star’s name. The working class comedy about a small-town girl with starry dreams has already been done to …. giggle giggle … death in Sony's Jassi Jassi Koi Nahi and Yeh Meri Life Hai. Kareena... is plainly tacky. The couple that hires the protagonist to work can act. But the girl who plays Kareena can’t.

So sad. Kareena Kareena seems to be another na-na for Zee. Kareena… reminds me of Karisma on Star’s long-running Kehta Hai Dil. The soap has got to have the broadest performance ever by Grusha Kapoor as the shrewish mother-in-law. Forget any claims to subtlety, Kapoor lets her emotions hang out like billowing washing from a clothes line.

And now her daughter-in-law Karisma has turned into a lawyer to defend her love-interest against her own husband, played by Salil Ankola. Drama ? Hai Rama!

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Tsk Tsk task
It is just fine to have professionals from other spheres walking into cinema. But surely the Ankolas of the sports world should make sure they lend their names to serials that at least use them suitably.

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Seedhe sawal, uljhe jawaab
And how can we not mention Anupam Kher who this week was so much in the news, he WAS news! Besides all the new bulletins, Kher also did Aaj Tak’s Q&A Seedhi Baat with Prabhu Chawla where the star-guest addressed his host by his first name until midway and then quickly and quietly added a ‘ji’ to it in the second half.

Hostility begets distance, huh?

(The views expressed here are those of the author and indiantelevision.com need not necessarily subscribe to the same)

picture courtesy: www.rediff.com, www.planetbollywood.com
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