Indiantelevision dot com's Box Populi by Subhash K Jha: Filmi chakkar on television

"Who’s Neha Dhupia?" Mallika Sherawat laughed on Cinema Aaj Tak as though she had just cracked the biggest joke of the year, thereby officially flagging off another war between two actresses.

Sometimes the panacea can be even more damaging than the disease. That’s what Cinema Aaj Tak proved that night. By stringing together all the lewd and aggressively sexual moments from recent cheesy products Aaj Tak turned for a few minutes into a blue channel.

Who says television isn’t equipped to provide titillation to the hungering masses? And why visit cinema halls to see all the pssst-psst stuff when Aaj Tak gives us porn-remixed?

Earlier the film industry complained about music clippings on the telly maroing laat on the producer's belly. Now with the sleazy footage being a staple part of television all the cheesy films would have to shut shop… or why not go for a teevee premiere? Sleaze is now an integral part of the family value-system, thanks to the home-viewing medium.

What’s worse than the dirty dollops being served up at primetime are the lies, blatant lies, being passed off as filmy information. On DD News Sunday night, I saw this simpering compere telling us that Neha Dhupia claims her suggestive scenes in Julie were done by a body double.

Ms Dhupia has made no such claims. Maybe such loose talk makes better news than straight talk on cinema.

The filmy culture is so much a part of television that frustrated cine actors must be feeling totally at home on the home medium. Shekhar Suman even gets to do a double role on every episode of the entertaining Pol Khol on Star News. Not only is he ‘Shekhar Suman’ in the studio, he’s also the correspondent in far-flung places reporting with hilarious imprecision about matters that make or unmake the nation.

Sahara's new daily Saathiya is as filmy as it gets. The two heroes dress and act so flamboyantly they look like successors to Govinda and Chunky Pandey in David Dhawan’s Aankhen. If one of the two bristling brats knocks down a pedestrian in a speeding car the other takes the crap… sorry, rap.

Shades of Hrishikesh Mukherjee’s Namak Haraam? But to discern the original shades you need to wade through gallons of garishness. If you’ve the patience there’s also the over-made up girl who fires every one in sight including the hero’s mother for corruption.

There’re gaping continuity lapses in the presentation. The cops tell Kshitij’s dad, “Aapke bete ne kissiko udaa diya.” Seconds later the dad scolds Sunny-boy. "Do you know someone is fighting for his life because of you?”

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Then there is Sahara’s new horror show Raat Hone Ko Hai where last week a man got his evil wishes fulfilled through a ghoul whose face looked like a boiled potato which had seen better days. Now if this guy told a fraudulent colleague in his office. “Oh I wish I could strangle you!” The next thing we knew the culprit was gagging on hot air. Wish the ghoulish jinn would come and stop this atrocious serial.

Ghoul milake, an unintended laugh riot, as all the shiver givers on television tend to be. Gone are the days when Sony’s Aahat could make us quake in terror. Nowadays horror on television is an unintended laugh riot. Junior artistes sporting scars and scowls make very feeble attempts to scare the daylights out of us. All they do is make us nostalgic for the good old days of teevee watching when the moral police was afraid of the effect that Aahat had on impressionable minds.

The impressionable minds are now threatened by a horror of another kind. Suddenly Mallika Sherawat emerges from the exit door of the airport into camera view and says, “If people see Sunny Deol’s cinema they expect action. What do they expect from Mallika?”

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Er, a dress designer’s worst nightmare?

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A lot of concern is being expressed about conditions on Bihar. Last Wednesday on NDTV Rajdeep Sardesai asked a politician in Bihar if politicians in Bihar need to mend their ways. The neta said he couldn’t hear the question.

“That’s for the best,” grinned Sardesai. In fact I saw him again a couple of days later on NDTV’s Public Platform which is the Hindi equivalent of BBC’s Question Time India with Abhigyan doing a rather satisfactory substitute for Pranoy Roy.

I liked the sporting spirit demonstrated on Public Platform on Saturday. Instead of going black and blue on issues all the panelists had a good laugh over Mr Soren’s disappearance. One of the questions the politicians on the panel asked was, “Where would you hide if you had to do a Soren?”

The answers ranged from the evasive to the pompous. Danseuse Sonal Mansingh spoke about how artistes need to be taken more seriously in politics. Rajdeep Sardesai reminded her that Govinda the new parliamentarian had not attended even one sitting.

Mansingh snapped back that he shouldn’t be equated with an artiste.

Why? Aren’t film stars artistes? Isn’t that a rather damning generalisation?

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Bihar was damned and pitied on NDTV India’s debate Humlog. When Bihar-savvy journalist Shankarshan Thakur made some penetrating observations on why Bihar got left behind, a politician from Bihar told him - “He cannot digest the fact that the underprivileged sections of Bihar are benefiting.” Apropos nothing Mr. Thakur is a Brahmin by caste.

Mr Thakur giggled openly. What do you do when politicians turn serious issues into personal grievances? Or when strippers turn into actresses and compare themselves with Sunny Deol?

You giggle. Popcorn khao mast ho jao.

(The views expressed here are those of the author and indiantelevision.com need not necessarily subscribe to the same)