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Summer
internship - To the untrained eye a noble venture
undertaken by the agency to try and give back to
the community. But in reality (or management speak)
an extremely cost effective method of correcting
the gender ratio in the organization, thus making
it worthwhile for employees to turn up for work
during the sweltering heat of summer…
However as summer ends these very pleasant distractions
prove to be as welcome as a late bill at the client's
accounts department after March 31st.
"I have wanted to brief someone
on an urgent job but there seems to be just no one
from the creative in office today," complained
Ram, as he barged into Vikas's office, only to see
his boss in a closed huddle with some fresh 'new
improved' faces that had immediate effect waist
downwards
"Oh!
They must be briefing the new trainees in the conference
room" mumbled Vikas, pausing to touch his chin
in a studied manner that seemed to make his IQ level
jump 10 points without having to do any complex
number related tests.
"And
that's servicing for you" he said to his coterie
"It is the single most important department
of an agency, without it an agency is like Jennifer
Lopez without her ass …"
"Does that mean client servicing is the butt
of all jokes?" interjected an enthusiastic
voice. Ram looked around and immediately classified
the deviant (a male) as the 'bunny' of the group.
Vikas was clearly not amused; he was the one who
was supposed to deliver all the punch lines. He
gave the poor boy the kind of scalding look that
made the 'bunny' wish he could have pressed the
rewind button on that previous comment. However,
technology wasn't really on his side just then.
"I
had meant assets. Musical assets. The first lesson
you learn in servicing is never make assumptions.
It's a very dangerous thing to do."
Prudently the 'bunny' excused himself to go to the
men's room. Everyone immediately assumed it was
to get away from the spotlight.
Ram stepped
out of Vikas's room and looked around. There was
a high level of testosterone that was going around
the agency. Ram had not seen this much energy at
the agency since there was a rumor that the filling
of time sheets would be linked to performance bonuses.
Almost every cubicle had an additional new occupant.
The cabins were seemingly packed with eager innocent
faces that were hanging on to every word that was
being spouted like it was the Lord himself telling
them about the chosen path.
"Thou
shall not falter on the road to be single minded…"
PP (the creative director) seemed to be saying.
"Thou shall know the brand better than the
client…." Vikas was telling his disciples.
"Thou shall never fill in a voucher without
a bill…:" Parthasarthy, head of accounts.
"Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife…"
that was Moses, someone watching a movie had left
the AV room door open.
The agency had become a shrine for learning, never
mind that deadlines were going for the kind of walk
one takes when the mother-in-law is waiting at home.
"Old Chinese
proverb - Trainees are the Lord's way of getting
us through summer." Ram felt a teacup nestle
in his fingers as Chai-La (the mystical Chinese
tea boy) vanished into the rising mercury of a wall
thermometer.
The next day
Ram accosted Vikas in the corridor. "Hey Vikas,
could I use that trainee who was in your room yesterday
for some work?"
"Hmm. If you mean that guy I have sent him
off to do some research"
"On what?"
"Nothing really. I just wanted him out of office.
He was getting on my nerves"
"What about the others?
"They are doing something for me"
Ram resisted the temptation to query his boss further.
He knew that the four remaining girls would be spending
a lot of time in Vikas's office over the next few
weeks and thus ensuring that his boss stayed out
of his way. How he liked summer trainees!
Over the next
few weeks the agency was really busier than a black
marketer on the opening weekend of Main Hoon
Na. Employees you never knew existed started
appearing almost magically and giving "gyan"
sessions to young minds… all in order to return
the debt they owed the industry.
There were
more people working late than ever before. Brainstorms
were just as frequent (and unnecessary) as a Luis
Figo dive in the penalty box. The conference room
always seemed to be packed. There were parties and
outings organized every other evening. The only
chap who seemed to be missing all the fun was the
'bunny' who was busy masquerading as a screen for
power point presentations on days he wore a white
shirt (to the lad's credit he only wore it once)
and the agencies corporate communications expert
on most other days, essentially in charge of faxing,
Xeroxing and dispatching messages.
Time passed
faster than Ram could imagine or clients would have
wanted. Most people in the agency had by then forged
umbilical relationships with their interns. For
a while these interns forgot all about their projects,
in fact most of them did not have any, and were
content hanging around their surrogate parents nibbling
away at the food that was passed down their way
(the last part was a gross exaggeration but it makes
for a vivid metaphor). And then as deadlines began
to draw closer the bubble began to burst.
Suddenly panic
started creeping in. The trainees began to realize
that two months were going to be up very soon and
they really had nothing to show in terms of an assignment
back at the institutes. The young cubs began to
scent blood very fast.
Ram was watching Vikas entering the office and make
his way stealthily to his cabin when near the fax
machine four young lionesses sprang out at him and
began to circle around him in a move they had picked
up from one of the National Geographic documentaries.
"Vikas
we don't have a project."
"But you have learnt so much about advertising
working with me"
"We need a project Vikas. What are we going
to present in college?"
At this point the other three began snapping away
at his ankles cutting down his speed considerably.
He was tiring. His vision was blurring. They were
moving menacingly towards him. Fangs bared. Claws
ready to rip flesh. Tails dangling like Satan's
jock strap. There was no help in sight. His very
own had turned on him. An advertising agency was
a very cruel place.
Just as the
leader of the pack was going to jump Vikas blurted
"I will prepare a project for the four of you,
don't worry. It will be just rocking…"
"How long?"
"One month…"
The lionesses drew closer.
"Ok I will put it together this week"
The lionesses backed off. Vikas sprinted for his
cabin and closed the door behind him. The very door
that had always been open over the last two months.
Ram was allowed to enter after mouthing the secret
password (creative c@#$%a hain)
"No more next year man. They are wildcats.
Ungrateful.
Dangerous. Highly overrated this summer trainee
thing. They are only entertaining for a week, after
that they are just pests. Can't even call them pests
they are more like raptors."
Ram sat silently in front of Vikas.
"Just take out any old research report and
put together a project and pack them off in the
next two days."
"What
about the 'bunny'?"
Vikas turned around and looked at his computer
"Hey there is a mail from him. I did not know
he had gone. Good riddance."
Ram watched Vikas's face as he read the mail. His
eyes seemed like they wanted to dissociate from
his face. Vikas put on his spectacles to prevent
them from running away.
"Can you believe it? He has landed a job!"
"On the Energizer account?"
As usual Ram's humor was wasted on Vikas.
"It seems that he learnt a lot about our accounts
and our strategies during the time he was faxing,
Xeroxing and dispatching stuff. He went and created
his own project.
Presented to other agencies that were so impressed
they hired him."
Vikas eyes then widened with anger as he read further.
"That
insolent chap. He says all this was possible because
I assumed he would not be reading those documents,
he has signed off saying the most useful thing he
learnt here was that 'in servicing you never assume
things'"
Ram tried very hard to suppress a smile. Vikas was
about to storm out of his room when he remembered
what lay outside and wisely decided to stay put.
Ram left Vikas's
room and surveyed the changes around him. The energy
level in the agency was back at its good old low
level. Attendance had dropped. Punctuality was back
to its abysmal standards. Creative was back to chatting
and Servicing had resumed the time honored tradition
of ducking calls.
"Things
were reverting back to normal thankfully.
Ram suddenly
felt a craving for tea.
"Old Chinese proverb - sometimes old bad things
are much better than new good ones." Ram found
a teacup nestle in his hand and glanced around to
see Chai-La metamorphose into the golden title embossing
of a black hard bound summer trainee project.
 After
stints at Lowe, Mudra and Everest the author is
now with Triton as Associate Vice President Brand
Services. In additiion to that he is also patron
saint of Juhu Beach United - a movement that celebrates
obesity and the unfit 'out of breath' media professional
of today. To join up contact vinaykanchan@hotmail.com
(The
views expressed here are those of the author and
indiantelevision.com need not necessarily subscribe
to the same)
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