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It
was a wretched Saturday morning. Well, to be
fair the weather was in top form, but almost
the entire agency had been dragged out of their
'sacred sanctum' of a Saturday morning nap to
the office conference room at 9am sharp, for
a vision workshop. Considering that Saturday
was a holiday and what that session further
entailed, wretched was a fair adjective in most
minds for the morning, except in that of one
man.
The
President stood to his full, impressive stature
and looked around. The conference room was capacious
enough to accommodate the thirty odd people
that constituted the agency. His face had the
triumphant smirk of being oblivious to the feeling
of working early morning on a holiday, a smirk
quite exclusive to him.
He cleared his throat in a manner to subtly
indicate that it was time to wake up. After
he was satisfied that enough bleary eyes were
looking his way, he began.
"Today we are here to discuss what our
vision should be?" he began in his best
baritone, "Does anybody know what a vision
is?"
"That's difficult considering most of the
eyes in this room are closed," a wickedly
satirical voice whispered in Ram's and Tanya's
ears. That was the old cynical hand, the unfettered
bastion of depressed thinking in the agency.
Tanya giggled, but Ram tried his best not to
acknowledge the jibe, though mentally he kicked
himself for passing up on such an opportunity
to make Tanya smile.
All the other participants in the room furtively
looked away from the President trying to avoid
eye contact. Vikas (Ram's boss) however thrived
on these questions. He looked around the room
in an extremely condescending manner, and then
paused to muster enough contempt before speaking.
"A vision workshop is a place, where blindingly
obvious clichés will emanate from every
face," the hushed Chinese accent whispering
those wise words in Ram Shankar's ears, the
express delivery of the tea cup and Chai-La,
the mystical Chinese canteen boy had vanished
into the early rays of sunshine peeking through
the windows.
Having gathered all the necessary ingredients
Vikas let fly. "A vision is an inspiring
clarion call that an organisation crafts for
itself, that not only gives it a larger cause
for existence, but also motivates its employees
to work towards a greater purpose..."
As usual when Vikas volunteered to trouble the
air waves, PP (the creative director of the
ridiculously exaggerated moustache fame) was
seldom left far behind.
"What rubbish, I think you referred to
the wrong textbook."
He said, incisively cutting through all of Vikas's
carefully crafted remarks, and generally waking
up most of the room with his resounding guffaw
that followed. The others joined in the mirth,
considering that it was at Vikas's expense.
"Well PP, he is right that's what it is
in some respects." Interjected Dharti,
the agency's curvaceously crafted account planning
head, her eyes briefly met Vikas's and Ram detected
a 'moment' there.
"Today we work as a team guys," boomed
the President thumping the table, causing all
the tea cups on it severe psychological problems.
Both Vikas and PP clammed up for the moment.
"We need something that will inspire us
going forward." Started the President
"Considering that we have been going backward
for so long that's a start." The soft voice
'customised for two' of the old cynical hand.
Tanya giggled again much to Ram's chagrin.
"Well what are the numbers involved going
forward? What are our top line and bottom line
deliverables over the next five years, what
are the increases in the sources of revenue
that we are seeking?" that was Planimus
(the media planning head), obsessed with numbers
with a passion that had caused three divorces
at last count.
There was a groan from the entire room, none
louder than that originating from the President.
"Planimus, a vision ideally has very little
to do with numbers. Tom Peters said so."
"Consultants I tell you, all they want
are discussions that will be long, inconclusive
and subject to 'feelings and such', so that
they can churn up colossal bills. That is why
we mustn't waste too much discussing these things,
something which cannot be quantified can never
be justified," quipped Planimus and resigned
to silent participation for the rest of the
session, in a spirit of unresolved mathematical
enquiry.
"Had he kept his eye on the right figures,
he would have had a better social life,"
the old cynical hands vicious jibe had Tanya
giggling again.
"Let's use a technique that I learnt abroad,"
ventured Dharti, pausing for just the right
time on 'abroad', "let's throw in some
desirable words that we might want to own as
a company. And then let's try and articulate
a vision from thereon."
Since there were no other constructive suggestions
the audience was forced to volunteer their inputs,
and with the hope of ending the ordeal soonest
people began participating lustily.
"Teamwork," began Vikas, to the tune
of PP's snicker.
"Goal" offered Dharti.
"Empower" added the President.
"Process orientation," offered the
IT head.
"World peace," began Tanya and was
silenced by the incredulous expressions that
she sampled across the table.
"Award winning work," shot PP.
"Now I believe we are getting somewhere,"
said the President, and with the enthusiasm
of a young boy chancing upon his first 'girlie'
magazine, he wrote the key words on the board
and then kept drawing circles around them, large
concentric circles, round and round he drew
them with a fury that was quite disconcerting.
"Sir, what are you doing?" asked Vikas,
for once of behalf of others as well.
"I once heard somewhere that these words
will come full circle and your vision statement
will materialise before you, everybody repeat
my actions, we need to crack this."
With rather amused expressions everyone else
followed suit and for a while silence followed,
as people were mesmerised by their own creations,
as it is said circles have a nice way of (be)
coming round.
"Don't get trapped in the geometry of the
page, for enlightenment give in to your rage,"
the whispered conundrum, the express delivery
of the tea cup and Chai-La had disintegrated
into the angry frown of Planimus who was agitated
because his circles were not to scale.
Ram felt a slight undercurrent of anger about
missing a nice leisurely holiday morning and
the futility of the whole exercise. 'Weren't
vision statements lines anyway?' he thought
to himself and lined up the guilty words in
a linear fashion, rather than a circle, and
then it dawned.
"We, as an agency believe in the process
of greater teamwork which orients us towards
our goal of creating award winning work."
He had started the statement when murmurs were
on in the room, by the time he finished there
was dead silence.
The President's beam almost blinded Ram.
"That is fantastic, a young employee should
be the person creating future vision anyway
and it sounds so right. What do you people feel?"
There were grudging looks of admiration across
the room. Tanya's jaw had dropped beyond the
confines of her face. She was looking at Ram
with doting eyes.
"Isn't that really more like a mission
statement?" doubted Vikas
"It's a vision statement, if he is happy
with it. He has to decide," Concluded the
President emphatically, "What do you feel
Ram, what would your ideal statement be?"
There was an awed silence in the room.
Ram was toying with the right words in his mind
when the old cynical hand whispered in his ear,
"completely change it, and show him your
thinking capability once and for all. You won't
get chances like this all the time. The loftier
sounding the statement, the higher your career
graph will soar."
There was an awed silence in the room.
"I would want to change it going forward,"
began Ram, as expressions around him deepened
with interest. "My version of the vision
would be, to create an organisation that ceaselessly
adds value to the economy without needing to
replenish any of its resources."
The look of awe lingered a bit longer on the
faces of the audience. But the President's expression
changed colour to an agitated purple.
"No. No. No. It does not have the same
zip as the previous one. And now that you have
told me this one, I somehow feel the previous
one lacks something. We will have to reconvene
next Saturday morning again, same time. We are
back to square one."
There were groans in abundance all across the
room, though Ram felt that he distinctly heard
the old cynical hands trademark snicker above
all that.
"One thing I liked about what you said
was people working harder for the organisation;
I think we must factor that in somewhere. Ok
adios people, try and salvage the weekend."
And the President was gone before people could
offer any audio bytes in protest.
Ram felt thirty dark looks rest on him as people
exited the room. None darker than the one Tanya
threw his way. It seemed to eclipse the entire
day.
Ram head sank to an all time low on the table,
he felt the familiar tea cup nestle in his hand
again, and the even more familiar voice in his
ear.
"Be particular about whose advice you take,
because many a time the person's intentions
are fake."
With a kindly chuckle, Chai-La disintegrated
along the concentric circles on the board, spinning
round and round, till Ram felt a sense of nausea
creep in, and his eyes gently close.
 The
writer is Vice President, Rediffusion DY&R.
He is also the patron saint of Juhu Beach United,
a football club that celebrates the 'unfit,
out of breath media professional of today'.
You can write to him at (vinaykanchan@hotmail.com).
(The
views expressed here are those of the author
and Indiantelevision.com need not necessarily
subscribe to the same)
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