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The
appropriators: - a tribe who give themselves the right
to lord over other people, often to achieve their
own ends, even when (or rather, especially when) they
have been given no authority to do so. These sorts
have a tannic hide which is impervious to the basic
tenets of human civility. With confident overtones,
unblinking eyes and unwavering resolve they simply
conclude that others around them are theirs for the
taking.
It
was Monday morning at the office. Ram Shankar was
just plotting his survival for the week when his thinking
was interrupted by a crisp sounding order, delivered
quite in the style of a drill sergeant talking to
new recruits.
"Move Richa, move Aditya, move Shekar! And don't
come back until all my jobs are complete."
Lokesh, the originator of that encouraging statement
stood up with a smirk that was quite like the one
you have when you have managed to smuggle naughty
things into the theater.
Ram
looked at him trying hard to put his finger on something
that seemed curiously amiss when "Being a peer
is such an utter loss, to make any progress one must
act like the overbearing boss."
The lightning delivery of the tea cup, the hushed
Chinese accent and Chai-La (the mystical Chinese tea
boy) flew into a three pin socket, which kind of 'charged'
Ram's mind and then realization dawned.
Lokesh
had no right to boss over the other account executives
(A.E.'s) that were currently scurrying around in frenzy
in the office. He was at the very same level. Yet,
somehow he had elevated himself above them without
needing a change in visiting cards.
Ram
felt there was great learning here.
"Hey
Lokesh, can I speak to you for a moment?" Ram
asked with the enthusiastic fervor of a young disciple
finding his way.
Lokesh glanced in his direction, gave him an extremely
condescending once over and replied, "If you
need to speak to me you come over here."
Oblivious to the little 'power play' that had just
happened; Ram innocently trudged off in his direction.
"What is it?" asked Lokesh, in a manner
that seemed to suggest that the intrusion was far
from welcome.
Ram
knew to find the truth he would have to be a little
tactful.
"I was just watching you, and the way you seem
to command respect is just inspiring, I was wondering
if you could teach me how you do that?" Ram's
tone was humble, his hands and mind were suitably
postured in a 'knowledge seeking' pose.
Lokesh
softened a bit; flattery was always his Achilles heel.
"Ok,
what the heck, sit over here," he motioned to
a chair by his side, but significantly lower that
his own.
Ram
sat down beside Lokesh. Eyes, ears and other relevant
orifices wide open.
"Rule
one - people are basically scared and directionless,
they need to look up to somebody, they are blind to
the path unless it is screamed down upon them."
Lokesh paused for a minute to let that sink in as
he stroked his chin in a Cheshire cat like manner.
"But you are getting them to do your own work,
how is that helping them in any way?" asked Ram,
cautiously keeping his tone reasonably humble.
Lokesh
glared back at him a trifle miffed, and then relenting
a bit he answered.
"Most of these poor sorts don't even know where
their job starts and mine ends, I am merely giving
them a sense of basic purpose that is manifested at
a primal level in excessive physical activity, or
running around like mad dogs in your parlance."
Ram gaped at the wonderfully complex use of words
that had just been hurled his way; his jaw apparently
had dropped visibly because Lokesh chose to say.
"Of course you have to conduct and speak in a
manner that is a few years beyond your current position
obviously, not a job for everyone," he finished
with a superior chuckle that didn't exactly do much
for Ram's morale.
At
that moment Lokesh cautiously spotted Shekhar lurking
near his cubicle, shooting furtive glances in Lokesh's
direction as if he was in need of some help or clarification.
Lokesh glared back at him in a manner that would have
easily curdled milk and Shekhar quickly vanished in
a work related direction.
"Another
important thing, I never entertain clarifications,
takes away too much of my time, let the sods learn
on their own."
"What if they make a mistake?" Ram Shankar
wanted to know.
"Then I give them hell, many of them won't be
able to sit for a few days I reckon," said Lokesh,
exploding loudly with laughter at the same time, causing
his 'underlings' to glance nervously in his direction.
"But
don't their real bosses have any clue about this?"
Lokesh paused; in the manner in which an ace gambler
freezes time just before he is going to throw down
his cards (well at least the movies have painted it
that way)
"Rule two - make friends with all your victims'
bosses, bad mouth your prey to the extent that the
fellow feels that he has a wasted case on his hands
and will actually want very little to do with them.
Then offer your service in terms of training these
no hopers. You will be surprised to learn that hardly
any of the bosses want to spend time improving the
weaknesses of their subordinates, they would rather
indulge in other more fulfilling things."
"Like long lunches and gossip?" Ram Shankar
could not contain himself.
Lokesh icily looked at him in a manner that suggested
that no further such comments would be welcome.
Ram
quickly felt the need to get back to the subject at
hand.
"And
how does this help your career?"
Lokesh
had a kindly indulgent expression on his face. Like
that of a Jedi master revealing to his young protégé
the intricacies of the force.
"Rule
three- senior management loves a take charge person,
not necessarily a person who does the work, but more
often one who is seen to be having things under control,
I maintain that illusion and all is well with my career
path. From shooting off instructions to everyone,
even at my same level, and sometimes even people who
are not concerned with the project, I create a myth
of leadership around myself that most people readily
buy into. It's not about what you are designated,
it's more about what you feel you can influence. A
designation is just a crutch that the weak use to
get their way. And in the end we are in the business
of managing perception. I have successfully managed
to divorce perception from actual performance."
Ram
was soaking in Lokesh's wisdom, when his army came
swarming back.
"All jobs complete?" interrogated Lokesh.
"Yes!" they all replied in unison in a rather
painfully trained manner.
"Ok rest for fifteen minutes and come back here;
no one is to be a single minute late. You are allowed
to drink water and use the rest room for nature's
calls. Just make sure you don't miss mine."
The hapless account executives trailed off towards
their seats, Lokesh made eye contact with their bosses
and exchanged gestures that seemed to suggest that
it was all going according to plan.
Just
then the President materialized before them, broad
smile and eyes slightly heavy from the previous nights
excesses.
"Hey Lokesh I needed you to action that new project,
you were supposed to get back to me with the findings
of the little dipstick research that you were going
to do."
"Sir, I have put Ram on the job, he will be reporting
to me on that. Will make him do thirty interviews
today itself, have even spoken to Vikas (Ram's boss)
about it and he has agreed to Ram's participation.
Don't worry we will review Ram's questionnaire in
half an hour, then we send him out."
The President looked at Lokesh with adoring eyes;
he thumped his back rather severely. But Lokesh sustained
his grin.
"That's what we need, more guys like you, people
who run things and assume leadership. Every organization
needs leaders at all levels and I'm happy that we
have you. Ram, you should learn to be more like him."
He proceeded to squeeze Lokesh in a python like manner
and then quickly slithered away.
Ram
began slowly recovering from the stark humiliation
of being caught with his pants at ankle level.
"So you did the same number on me?"
"Why not? You are just another A.E. I had already
spoken to Vikas about you and spoken about how you
seem so directionless and unmotivated at all times
and he thought you should work on this with me, now
you know what to do, so get going, the President and
I will review your questionnaire in half an hour."
Lokesh strolled off for a smoke, casually waving to
the news channels that were covering his every movement
(or so he would have liked to imagine)
Ram
trudged back to his cubicle, less motivated than he
had ever been (if that was actually possible).
"Never
seek knowledge that is not of good intent, for the
tables can easily turn and cause you discontent."
The hushed oriental tone, the express delivery of
the tea cup and Chai-La had morphed into the first
question on Ram's yet to be created questionnaire.
It read 'Do you believe that you can dig your own
grave?'
 The
writer is Vice President, Rediffusion DY&R. He
is also the patron saint of Juhu Beach United, a football
club that celebrates the 'unfit, out of breath media
professional of today'. You can write to him at (vinaykanchan@hotmail.com).
(The
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