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Passing
the buck - the one skill that is genetically transmitted
through the organizational DNA over decades. Some
agency systems have actually developed 'propriety
models' to perfect this activity. Perhaps the old
adage that 'models give events structure but not direction'
is likely to be proven wrong during the course of
events.
"Why
do you guys always screw up so badly? Especially after
everything was so crystal clear after the last meeting?"
enquired a fuming Mr. Bose (the client) of the agency
team.
His outburst was after an eventful meeting with the
client top brass. To say that the meeting was bad
would be tantamount to describing a Tsunami as a mildly
agitated ripple in the water.
"Open
your eyes with belief, and thou shall come to no grief"
the hushed Chinese accent, the express delivery of
the tea cup and Chai-La (the mystical Chinese canteen
tea boy) vanished in the smoldering embers of Mr.
Bose's previous statement, but not before leaving
Ram with a riddle to ponder over.
As
Ram scratched his head trying to make sense of Chai-La's
latest conundrum, he could not help but notice all
the other agency people - PP (the handle bar mustached
creative director), Vikas (Ram's boss and the account
head), Planimus (the media planning head) and Dharti
(the account planner), look strangely a little past
Mr. Bose, almost like they were looking beyond him
at another person.
Then
Vikas spoke, with his tone matching the aggressive
intent of Mr. Bose's.
"Mr.
Bose, firstly there was no clarity on when this meeting
was to take place, secondly there was no agreed upon
agenda, and thirdly there was no direction in terms
of what was to be done for creative. The creative
was left without a clue as to what was needed for
today."
Ram,
baulked for Vikas, thinking PP would typically fly
off the handle on that accusation of 'a lack of direction'.
But PP was mysteriously calm, almost frighteningly
composed (for a creative sort that is). He gently
tugged at his moustache, stroking it with almost philosophical
poise, as he also strangely looked beyond Mr. Bose,
as if for guidance.
"To
be frank, we were quite stumped with what sizes to
take and what duration commercials we should create,
because to the creative this was more a question of
what could be achieved through the effective and innovative
use of media, but since that picture was never truly
clear we were left groping in the dark. A bit like
watching Ganguly play short stuff," ended PP,
with a resounding guffaw, not really supported by
the lone client representative.
Ram's
jaw dropped to the level of an audible thud. He was
perplexed by PP's statement, because that squarely
placed the ball in the court of Planimus-A man who
undertook his business with gladiatorial passion.
A man who readily fought with creative for shorter
durations and smaller sizes with the frenzy of a wounded
humpback whale trying to stave off a pack of Orcas.
Planimus
however barely raised his eyebrow from his laptop.
In that faintest movement of his retina, Ram deduced
that he also had looked beyond Mr. Bose for higher
enlightenment and direction.
"Even I need to depend on what understanding
of the consumer is provided to me from account planning.
The nuances of the consumer, who he is, what he does,
and in what manner the brand finds a role in his existence.
All these inputs are very important to me before I
begin my work, and if there was no clear brief from
that end I could only do that much." concluded
Planimus, squarely placing the onerous task of taking
on the lions in Dharti's court, as he returned his
uninhibited focus to his laptop.
"Any
pass is better than carrying the ball." These
immortal words from a documentary on 'How to play
the beautiful game' had remained etched in Ram's memory
from an early age. But the realisation that this was
applicable in modern day business was just about dawning
on him.
Dharti's
pretty eyelashes had briefly fluffed when Planimus
passed the baton to her. But something behind Mr.
Bose seemed to reassure her.
Mr.
Bose turned his head in her direction; his neck was
getting its best workout since Wimbledon. His smile
and patience was getting a little wearier. However,
given that it was Dharti he was looking at, he reached
from deep within to showcase his best.
"There
were so many things said at the last meeting, and
many possible new directions emerged, that one had
lost track of what was finally decided, e.g. I recollect
that briefly there was talk of repositioning our itching
cream for the groin as a face cream, given the thinking
that if it can handle 'low down' bacteria than that
at the top should be infinitely simpler. So I had
to begin from the minutes mailed to me by the account
team."
All
eyes in the room turned to Ram as he found himself
looking straight into the cold eyes of Mr. Bose, whose
triumphant grin resembled that of a Tyrannosaur, who
has just magically discovered a chained goat left
behind by nature for supper
Ram's
panic stricken mind was groping for an answer. He
looked around and saw encouraging looks from each
and every person in the room, sans Mr. Bose. As if
they all had expected that the spotlight would rest
finally on him and that he would be able to handle
it. Astonishingly even Vikas was looking supportively
towards him, it was almost unreal.
As
he closed his eyes to muster his wits, he felt the
express delivery of the tea cup in his hand and prophetic
words spoken in a hushed oriental tone in his ears.
"To
protect thyself from the oncoming rage, look around
and thou might find the answer on a page"
He
looked up in time to see Chai-La disappear into an
inter office memo with an unerringly loud cackle of
demonic laughter.
Ram
felt his hand go forward and touch the page. It felt
a little strange, almost like he had made a cosmic
connection. As he looked around at his team mates
he caught relieved smiles on all their faces.
Then
as he turned to Mr. Bose he saw her.
She
had a divine, 1000 watt radiance about her. Her hair
was glowing, long lustrous strands that shampoo brand
managers would have betrayed their mothers for, her
skin was flawless and blemish cum acne free, her smile
was angelically sly enough to cause the will of reticent
accountants to waver, for a minute he thought he was
witnessing a supernatural being. But he saw a sash
on her that said 'Ms. PTB Propriety 2006' and that
convinced him otherwise. Mysteriously Mr. Bose seemed
completely unaware of her existence.
Ram
continued to watch her in awe as she did a small pompom
routine and topped it off by moving both her hands
together in a circular arc across the room tracing
every occupant in it until they stopped at Mr. Bose.
Then she dazzled a smile at Ram and vanished. For
once Ram knew what he had to say
"Mr.
Bose, I did write and circulate the minutes of the
last meeting, but I had also emailed you the same
and put a very important highlighted footnote there
that Vikas had insisted on. The footnote said that
you had to get the minutes seen and ratified by the
chairman before the next meeting. You never got back
to us on that." He said feeling a strange calm
and peace in him as he went about every sentence.
Mr.
Bose's smile disappeared of his face with the speed
of platonic thoughts leaving your mind once the channel
switches to Baywatch. Sweat began to form on his massive
brow.
"Yes!
Why didn't you?" asked Vikas, thumping the table
with great gusto.
Mr.
Bose began mopping his forehead with a handkerchief
that he seemed to have produced from the medieval
era, "I have to get back to the office to meet
the chairman, but you can take your time for the next
presentation, let me know when…"
He
vanished from the room even before bothering to punctuate
the previous statement.
There
were collective yells of joy and high fives that were
exchanged within the agency folk as they all trickled
out of the room, visibly elated at having successfully
defended their spotless home game record in this respect.
As
Vikas was leaving the room, he looked back to see
Ram immersed in deep thought.
"What's
up chief?" he asked Ram.
"Who
was she?"
Vikas
smiled his all knowing smile," She was the propriety
model that we have developed for passing the buck
PTB-2006, I can't really tell you any more, its top
secret."
"But
why could I see her only after I touched the memo?"
"Because
it's difficult for underlings to see her, unless they
fully understand the organizational DNA, and sometimes
getting in touch with papers that symbolize how we
excel at passing the buck (PTB) like inter office
memos does help," concluded Vikas as he left
the room to resume his hostility with PP and every
other creative in the world.
"Then
I saw her face, now I am a believer," a markedly
Mandarin version of this classic song began playing
on Ram's Taiwanese walkman, as Ram found his fingers
fondling a tea cup even as Chai-La disintegrated into
one of the Chinese letters on the walkman logo.
 After
stints at Lowe, Mudra and Everest the author is now
with Triton as Associate Vice President Brand Services.
In addition to that he is also patron saint of Juhu
Beach United - a movement that celebrates obesity
and the unfit 'out of breath' media professional of
today. To join up contact vinaykanchan@hotmail.com
(The
views expressed here are those of the author and Indiantelevision.com
need not necessarily subscribe to the same)
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